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The Great Return

I can't believe my last post was over a year ago! How has it been so long?  Why did I stop writing? I could make all kinds of excuses - surgeries, recovery, kids, mobile church, laundry, etc. But, I really think the only answer is. . . I just felt like I had nothing to say. I am an introvert by nature. On the DISC scale, I am an S/C with very little D/I. I will work behind the scenes and not think twice about it.  But, I married a high D and as pastors, it is difficult to operate behind the scenes only and lead at the same time. Sometimes I have to be reminded that I do have things to say and share. So, share I must.  When I started this blog, I was feeling the effects of working all the time and lacking a creative outlet.  When I was given my diagnosis and started the treatment plan, all 'extra' things just went out the window and we focused on surviving and maintaining. It's been 2-1/2 years since the diagnosis, almost 2 years since my mastectomy and almost 2 years since my hair started growing back. I am back to working full time, keeping up with kids activities and serving in the ministry in every way that I can. My goal while healing was to not allow myself to get to the uptight, wound-up, stressed, over-worked, wrung out place that I was in when I found out I had breast cancer.  I remember driving home from work and just feeling an all over anxiety and an ever-present need to rush, rush, rush. I am busy again, but this time, it's different. I don't let those things stress me out the same way that I did. Traffic is still traffic. We still have to be in 3 different places at once sometimes, but none of it is world-ending if we are late, or miss something.  And I am so THANKFUL to be in that place! I had someone ask me when I was bald from chemo, would I take some pictures - and my answer at the time was NO WAY! I did not want to remember that mess.  But now, I look back to where we were and how things felt and there are people that have no idea what we went through. It is a miracle that people can't see the effects on me - that was my prayer, honestly. For a while, that rocked my emotional world though - because I knew that I was changed (physically, emotionally, mentally) and I knew that there had been struggle and suffering - but what people see is that I am well and 'normal'.  I think I will always refer back to this time to give honor and remember what the Lord did for me, for us!  Now, I want to reflect back on it! All of that to say, my 'silence' is broken and I will challenge myself to pour out again in this way. Funny stories? Maybe. Spiritual lessons? Hopefully. Kid memories? Probably.  It is what it is - it's my blog and I'll write what I want!  Happy reading. . .

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